How to Make Relationship Counselling Work for You
According to the Australian Institute of Family Studies, 2016 saw the lowest divorce rates in decades. Despite this, many couples may find the need to seek relationship counselling. As a step that's designed to help both cohabiting and married couples remain together, choosing relationship counselling is a positive move. But it does require effort from both parties for it to succeed. Following certain tips will help you achieve the best outcomes.
Refine the art of listening
Although your concerns are important, so are your partner's. If they walk away from your therapy sessions feeling unheard, you may struggle to see quick benefits.
The art of listening becomes difficult when you're keen to get your point across but you're not walking into the counsellor's office with the determination to listen. Experienced counsellors will employ techniques to ensure both partners have their chance to speak. You can make sure your partner feels heard by doing the following:
- Resisting the urge to interrupt, while practising active listening
- Repeating their statements back to them when forming a response
- Acknowledge your differences and how they may impact your partner
When the person you enter counselling with feels heard, the sessions become more effective.
Throw away the urge to be right
Walking into your relationship counsellor's office with the aim of leaving feeling vindicated may set you up for failure. At times, you'll recognise when you have done something wrong. In the midst of trying to succeed at the blame game, many couples will try to justify or deny their behaviours. You can overcome this by
- Acknowledging when you have done something that has hurt your partner
- Agree on strategies that could result in changes to both of your behaviour
- Refrain from using defensive accusations when they raise a previous issue
As a professional, your counsellor is there to make sure that neither of you adopts an unfair proportion of blame. While it may feel uncomfortable, acknowledging your wrongs is liberating and allows you to move forward.
Accept the need to take a timeout
Much like when you have an argument with someone, your therapist may feel as though a timeout is necessary. They could achieve this through
- Suggesting that you take a physical timeout if an argument arises at home
- Spending part of your sessions talking to a counsellor separately
- Agreeing not to discuss some topics until you're back in their office; this gives you both the chance to reflect positively
Taking a timeout becomes especially important when a topic becomes heated. Head your counsellor's advice when they make such suggestions.
With a cooperative approach and an acceptance of the fact that there may be uncomfortable moments, you can succeed with relationship counselling.
